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October 23 2017

adhdgoogle-searches:

why am i still on this hell site? i should be sleeping

ohmamadontyoucry:

ohmamadontyoucry:

so the other night i was with friend cop, and i went to give him a hug goodbye, and he turned off his radio (???) and i asked what was up and he said “last time we hugged your shoulder hit my radio and called dispatch” and i thought he meant like, the 911 dispatcher but NO i accidentally radioed every single other officer on shift and they all heard him say “i love you- oh shit my radio’s on”

just gonna add on that there’s a 0% chance the other officers on shift didn’t radio back “omg love you too!!!” or try to figure out who he was talking to and i fell down laughing at this and he sat there with a look on his face that said for the last two days he’d been dealing with a constant “[10 code]” “what’s up” “i love you”

gallusrostromegalus:

systlin:

rowantheexplorer:

We really ought to bring back the term “grognards” for misogynist throwback geek boys. I know it used to be applied to “old school” tabletop gamer bros who refused to grow as game systems and gaming culture changed, but I think it’s a good term that deserves to be applied more broadly.

French for “complainers”, the historic grognards were Napoleon’s Old Imperial Guard that he let get away with complaining about stuff that others might go to the guillotine for saying. They were not good for morale, and pretty much universally reviled by the rest of the French Army. Even Napoleon wasn’t all that fond of them, but he let them get away with it because seniority.

I second this motion. 

This is a bitching insult AND an excellent prompt for a Homebrew monster.

6983 64f4

charuchii:

amatasera:

tastefullyoffensive:

100 to 0

IMMA FUCKING KILL YOU

oh wait this is actually pretty good thank you

he attac but then he snac

officialcommanderlexa:

officialcommanderlexa:

i always laugh whenever we have to centrifuge bacteria because imagine you’re just chilling in some broth with your buds and then someone comes along and puts you in a tube and spins you at fucking 14,000 rpm

image
7012 dde9

whimsyknight:

banonah:

frogsuggest:

Show me the Good Boys

@filibusterfrog

beepbeep-fucker:

netflix: please remove the heavy inappropriate profanity from your show

the kids: incomprehensible have a terrible day

7035 1925
7041 5c97 500

bwaow:

um

7058 fcaa 500

my-son-richie-tozier:

pic of the scene where Richie first enters Neibolt House 

7068 1db3 500

tastefullyoffensive:

I donut blame her. (via _BrittanyMoniqe)

dakotaaaa:

my youngest sister was trying to express that someone died with her limited child vocabulary and what she finally said was “his ghost fell out”

its been fucking me up all week

7088 7f60 500

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

anelegantoffense:

bowlofgabe:

bowlofgabe:

bowlofgabe:

Fist batch of normal deers.

More Regular Deer

more  R E G U L A R  deer

@a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy you like deer right

Love these normal deer.

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7110 ef18 500

lordoftherings1000000:

this is the exact opposite of “for sale: baby shoes, never worn”

7143 b826 500

scaryliterary:

We understand the lights above the Arby’s. We understand so much.

7162 d8db 500

firelorcl:

vortexanomaly:

the crumb

this is the most intense photo i’ve ever seen

Reposted bykubudiKing-KarlminnaminnaJaswicisdivigrizzlychickenpankamiennaichgaborwyimaginowana-iguanakittyschoolsmoke11cavebearkokolokoedhelljottostutusleniwabulaDevaLukasYorkvairaErgoCanisYggryliwqszpaqusniedobrzeSzavislavpsyentistUntergrundbrotpuddinglordiriethtentacleguyDorin11mietta-worldpassingbirdjemkartofleDagarhenLogHiManieejezuinto-blackxanthOhSnapbarockjotaogoniastacocciuellav2pxrozalkablueberriesAtarikivlovnvmjutyndaOkruszekMrCoffepidzynlargehamstercollider

radioproxy:

i-am-an-adult-i-swear:

moonsofavalon:

bumbleandbumble:

northcentralpositronics:

northcentralpositronics:

freyadragonlord:

radio-freedunmovin:

answersfromvanaheim:

sapphichands:

hobbitcreampuff:

But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because “No. that’s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds I’m about to teach you what really happened in France during the revolution”

I need this as a series

Vampires sharing the recipe for Greek fire.

Vampires speaking in dead languages.

Vampires being able to translate untranslatable scripts.

Vampires who react to straightwashing historical figures like “Are you kidding me everyone knew that man was queer!”

Vampires from cultures who were once antagonistic towards each other stubbornly maintaining a friendship that’s lasted longer than their civilizations.

Vampires who honour forgotten deities you won’t find in mythology books.

Also, vampires who secretly saved stuff from the Library of Alexandra.

A vampire show that does not revolve all around sex and eternal cursed love.

nerd vampire whose knowledge of current events is terrible but they can always remember everything that’s considered “history” so they have a super-detailed knowledge of everything up to about thirty years ago and then ?????

vampire who couldn’t tell you what caravaggio was known for but duelled with him at least three times and slept with him at least ten. “cara-who OH YOU MEAN MICHAEL yeah he was cool”

vampire who spent 100 years in a convent and is still so bitter that in all that time they never made her mother superior “GODDAMMIT I HAD SENIORITY! I HAD SENIORITY!” “okay so first off janet, that was six hundred years ago, but more importantly, maybe if you didn’t always start those complaints off with blasphemy…”

vampire professor who just sort of showed up at oxford when it was founded and is still there (and nobody’s noticed because he still never actually shows up to his lectures)

vampire politician who lifts all their campaign speeches wholesale from speeches given 200 years ago and just waits for someone to catch them out (nobody ever does they’re prime minister and their approval ratings are through the roof)

WAIT I HAVE MORE

queer vampire who constantly talks about the fashion for straightness and you need to be really careful because if you tell them straight is default they WILL scream at you for five days straight about what a modern concept heterosexuality is

vampire hoarder who has an entire town where they just kept having to buy new houses to keep their stuff in and some of it’s probably worth tens of millions by now but you’ll never find it in among the 1950s kitschy kitten sculptures and boxes of newspaper (the newspaper is a wonderful mix of yesterday’s guardian and daily courants from 1725)

vampire sailor from manderville’s time who just has so many stories and some of them might even be true

vampire bluestocking girl who took to the internet like a fish to water and spends her whole unlife engaging reddit antifeminists about women’s rights because that’s one fight she’s determined to see through. also with the advent of cheap dyes she literally wears blue socks every day and hopes one day someone gets the joke

vampire doctor who just gets SO CONFUSED about the literature because do you know how hard it is to keep up with medicine kevin? when i got my doctorate we thought leeches were good and then they were bad and now they’re good again? i was published in issue one of the lancet kevin that is 387 lancets kevin how the hell am i meant to remember which one’s current kevin why are they saying cannabis is good for pain like this is news??? (but also lives in a state of wonderment every day in hospital because wow look at all this stuff we can do now look at it kevin!)

entire coven of vampires constantly quibbling over manners because they’re all from different periods: “HATS OFF AT TABLE” “SCREW YOU LEONARD ONLY PEASANTS EAT BAREHEADED” “TABITHA THAT HASN’T BEEN GOOD MANNERS SINCE THE 1500S NOBODY HAS LICE ANY MORE” “IT ISN’T ABOUT LICE LEONARD IT’S ABOUT GOOD MANNERS YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD MANNERS WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE OVER FOR DINNER” “I SWEAR TO GOD TABITHA IF YOU MAKE THAT PUN ONE MORE TIME I WILL SHOVE YOUR STUPID HAT DOWN YOUR THROAT”

vampire musicians who might not have been child prodigies but goddammit 500 years of practicing an instrument is bound to get you somewhere (also knowing the composer and being the first person to start playing a song doesn’t hurt either)

my favorite will always be vampires who know fuck-all about the standard major historical events because they were always somewhere else whenever big shit was going down:

“yeah i heard about the hundred years war but i was in northern african at the time so…”

“the roman empire fell??? how did the fucking roman empire fall??? i spend a fucking handful of decades in india and i come back to this???”

“russia needs to stop having revolutions, i can’t keep them all straight…”

“when did france become a democracy?? and america’s now it’s own country??? i’ve spent the last century in a forest in wallachia scaring small children so––wHat dO yOU meAn we’re calling it romania now??? when the fuck did it become romania???”

“WE HAD A WORLD WAR??? WE HAD TWO WORLD WARS???? well obviously ‘world’ is an exaggeration because i heard nothing about it while i was lost in the amazon rainforest for the last fifty years…”

“listen i spent most of the fourteenth century as a pirate in the south china sea so someone’s gonna had to clue me in on all this ‘black plague’ nonsense.”

Drunk history but the guests are vampires

!

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